How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days

Posted: 20th June 2015 by Christian in Blog

Looking through old files, here’s something I found with the above title. I have no idea where it came from. Probably written drunk. This might not be the finest example of my art.

1. Vomit up his tear ducts.
2. Murder his son with ham
3. Sleep with his mum.
4. Remove your own shinbones as foreplay
5. At one point in your life, have slept with a Brown Bear
6. Make him wax his moustache and poke you in the sclera with it.
7. Finger him in the aorta.
8. Refuse to believe in the moon.
9. Roleplay! You are a wounded beluga whale, he is a syphilitic sea captain with wounded ball-sack who is reminded of his mother by beluga whales.
10. Steal all his old razors. Make them into a sexy outfit. Have him undress you. If he cuts himself, he never loved you. Shriek this.